In the time we have been here I have noticed that I am a different person than the woman I was at home in British Columbia.  I find myself asking the question, “Who are you? Where have you come from?  Who is this person trying all these crazy things?” Maybe I am asking the wrong question.  Maybe it’s not a question of “where” but “when”.  When I was a wild child, I tried everything, from skiing down a mountainside at full tilt to jumping in to swim across a lake with no thought as to whether or not it was safe.  Of course, this led to a few injuries along the way – a severe knee sprain from falling while charging down a hill, an almost drowning from following my big brother, Tom across a lake too deep for me.  These occurrences did eventually slow me down.

I developed fears.  I became terrified of heights and going too fast, no longer bombing down the ski hill, but gingerly picking my way slowly to the bottom. When my mom put me in swimming lessons, I found that no matter how hard I tried, I could not make myself dive headfirst into the dark water off the dock of the pretty lake where I had felt very comfortable splashing around just the year before.  In the summer, instead of feeling the freedom of sleeping out of doors (in our own backyard!) I was terrified that a bear would come and attack me – seriously, I really was!  I grew into a more cautious adult.  One who never experimented with the things that most of my contemporaries who grew up in the 60s and 70s eagerly participated in.  I became “Suzy Cream Cheese”, a wholesome white bread girl who didn’t do “bad” or “dangerous” things.  And that’s pretty much how I stayed for most of my adult life.  When the kids went swimming at the local lake just a year ago, they tried to get me to jump in with them, but no way!  That was too scary and too cold!  Camping for me was in a regulated campground with park rangers nearby to keep the bears at bay. 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The me of today has been a result of a gradual evolution.  Since retirement, Jim and I have lived a different life. I have grown accustomed to sleeping in all sorts of weird places – camping on the sides of roads at the end of a long day of cycling. Sleeping in our van in various odd places, and flying into a country where I don’t speak the language without really giving it a second thought.  Now, this winter in La Paz, I see myself as someone new.  Even my name is new!  At home, when not being referred to as “Mom” or “Grandma”, I am Sue, but here in Mexico, I prefer my whole name, Susan.  That is because of the way it is pronounced here, with the “s” sounding the same for both S’s as opposed to the second one sounding like “z”.  I like the sound of it and so, when I am asked “su nombre?”, I respond, “Susan”. 

Changes have come subtly as I am less risk averse.  We recently spent a lovely day with our good friend Nadya and her son, Abraham, climbing up to the most magical hidden pond.  It required swimming across multiple other ponds and then climbing up and up, something which I can say I would never have attempted at home.  If we weren’t with our guides, I most likely wouldn’t have attempted it here either!  In for a penny, in for a pound; that was my attitude that day, so I waded, swam and climbed my way up to this most glorious spot where I went even further and jumped off a rock into the water.  It was maybe not as scary looking for some, but for me it was a real “facing down your fears” moment.  And once done, I did it a couple more times!  And it was great!!! 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

When I was a child and we were camping or at a local lake, I would live in my swimsuit, never giving it a second thought as to what it looked like.  It was function over fashion.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

However, I became self conscious of my body and as an adult. I would only be seen in a one-piece suit because it was supposedly more flattering.  Jim and I first came to Mexico about 10 years ago and I bought a special suit for the occasion, one that not only had beautiful colours, but great shaping to make me look 10 years younger! I still have that suit and have worn it here on occasion, but this year I have decided that 2-piece suits are the way to go. Of course, guys won’t appreciate this, but for us girls, the notion of heading in to use the facilities in a wet swimsuit just conjures up visions of first getting out of and then back into a straitjacket!  So not fun!  The solution for me was to let go of how I feel about the way my almost 68-year-old body looks and just go back to function over fashion.  A 2-piece suit is just easier all around and so that has become my swimwear of choice.  I have to say that it has been quite liberating, letting go of that fear of what others think of my body.  I even went so far as to let Jim take some pics for this blog post! 

When we leave La Paz, it’s hard to know how much these changes will come home with me.  Are they permanent or are they just a manifestation of the La Paz Susan? But do not call me Susan at home!  I only like that name here!